Really, you don’t have to

Hello Beautiful Human,

One of the most empowering thoughts I’ve been playing with recently is …

I don’t HAVE to.

It’s an immediate reframe. When I let go of obligation, agency ignites.

Your brain might resist at first, saying, Yes – I actually do HAVE to do XYZ. But really you are choosing that “have to” over the perceived consequences of not doing it. Embarrassment, perceived judgement, … you might be surprised at how often avoidance of certain emotions is directing your life.

Our brain offers us all sorts of things that we think we “have to do”.

I remember the moment when my brain offered me the relieving thought,

“You don’t have to save the world”.

I know, it sounds silly that I thought I ever did in the first place.

Perhaps you feel that same pressure to use your privilege and gifts to make a difference.

For me it came from deep empathy for others and a belief in the possibility of change, but it was muddied by an anxious perfectionism that often looks like altruism in the social impact space.

My desire to care for others had become a source of exhaustion. It has become an obligation and a piece of my identity subconsciously instead of an empowered choice made from my agency.

After feeling that freedom of simply stating the fact that I have the freedom of choice I never returned to the individualistic thought that, “I have to save the world”.

Instead, I discovered the true joy in my agency to contribute to meaningful change within an ecosystem of change agents – individuals creating healthy and healing organizations in all areas of the human experience.

You don’t HAVE to care about XYZ cause
You don’t HAVE to give your all
You don’t HAVE to be a good leader
You even, don’t HAVE to be a “good mom/dad/partner”. …

But I bet you have some compelling reasons why you desire to be alive to your choices and aligned in the way you live your life.

Agency is one of my core values.

Choosing your mindset, emotional responses, and how to care for yourself is at the center of empowerment.

REFLECT:

• Where are you feeling overwhelmed and oppressed by your internal expectation that you “have to do” something?
• What opens up when you remember your agency of choice?

IN THE REAL WORLD:
Yesterday I found myself confronting news that created an emotional reaction that felt outside of my control.

Instagram @newjusticeproject

Another ICE killing. Say his name, Lorenzo Salgado Araujo .

It is emotionally dysregulating to witness mi gente (my people) being hunted, detained, and murdered. I have no illusions about what this does to the nervous system and I’m never gonna suggest we “self help” our way to a calm state.

​Through my reflection on IG, I noticed that naming the emotions, being in community and moving towards action feels so much better than ignoring or suppressing the outrage of the moment.

Part of my action is including this upsetting reality in my newsletter. It isn’t getting the same media attention as the killings of Rene Good or Alex Pretti. But it is just as horrifying.

I invite you join me in putting #abolishICE on your vision board and help vote out every single representative who has rubber-stamped this bloated agency’s violence. And if you’re starting to feel overwhelmed as you read this, let’s remember, you don’t HAVE TO care – there are a LOT of horrible things happening in the world right now. But if you do decide to feel this one, remember we are not powerless.

Use your voice, your resources, your commitment – no act is too small.
​
Sign the LULAC petition demanding a full investigation. Support his family in this time of loss and hardship.

Personally, it feels better for my mental and emotional health to say something than to ignore what’s going on. Much love.

You’re Invited to take a moment in community. Join me Next Week.

Thursday July 16 @ 12:05-12:30 pm CT

A free LIVE guided mico practice to support your mental and emotional wellbeing so that you can show up as the effective and empowered leader you desire to be.