The natural fear response

Hello Beautiful Human – Why do peoples choose fear over love?

Let’s be honest, it doesn’t always feel like a choice.

Neurologically speaking, fear is a process for keeping us safe. Fear’s job is to keep us alive.

When a threat presents itself we have physical reactions and learned behaviors to protect ourselves. Understanding perceived threats, dysregulated nervous systems, and an inability to process emotions helps explain the dominance of fear.

As I write these words, reflecting on the nature of fear, I think maybe I am beginning to understand James Baldwin‘s words, “Everyone you’re looking at is also you. You could be that person. You could be that monster, you could be that cop. And you have to decide, in yourself, not to be”.

Love as a decision.

Love as a practice.

In this moment of increased state violence and a fear campaign in my own city it is natural to continue the rampant process of othering, blaming, and shaming, or we can radically dive into the love that liberates within.

I write these words, not just as a personal option but based on the philosophies of nonviolence.

As I increasingly witness mental health challenges of change agents and caring individuals, I am compelled to write about and invite you into the protective practices and mindsets to support the long haul work of social change.

The very first place we must choose love over fear is within ourselves.

Love requires courage.

Love requires practice.

It’s an internal process first with an external impact.

As American Jazz poet, singer, author Gil Scott Heron explains his lyrics, “The Revolution will not be televised”, it is about the first change taking place in your mind.

In light of Black History Month, I recommend watching the whole clip from Mr. Heron. It gives a larger context for the work of social change we are facing right now.

Developing Mental Fitness is becoming aware of our own fear reactions that short-circuit the flow of love.

In Practice:

A few years ago I noticed moments of stress and anxiety often showed up when I was running late. My body’s nervous system was telling me that being late means embarrassment and shame – the fear response would trigger and my capacity to speak with compassion, clarity, and love with my children went out the window.

The more I became curious about my reactions, I saw the truth was that I was upset with myself for having not planned according or lost track of time and my self loathing and fear would turn to impatience and irritator towards my children.

I first needed to extend love towards myself – the way my brain works and my learned behavior of rushing and utilizing the spike of cortisol to get my body to the next place.

The choice of self compassion over self criticism was a REVOLUTION.

This inner work of continuing to chose love over fear transforms the energy that I carry in my body and the way I am able to support and lead those I love.

Fear is natural. Stress, anxiety, and overwhelm all actually make sense. AND as leaders of our own lives, desiring to create change, we have an incredible opportunity to acknowledge that reality and decide in ourselves to powerfully practice love.

#1 way to practice self-compassion: Join Us Thursday 2.19 at 12:05pm

Happy Valentine’s Day & Black History Month.